Sitting in the living room of my mom's house with the sun and shadows of various vegetation pouring in, trying to drown out the panoramic orchestra of cicadas that is making reading/doing homework very difficult. Not to mention the jet lag that is slowly creeping over me, although there isn't a single instance in recent memory in which I was anywhere near bed at 10pm. But I felt I should make some mark on this blog that I've been meaning to start for a week now; I've already missed my chance at saying goodbye to Berkeley/the Bay Area/California/America and everybody in it, though I've convinced myself that it isn't really goodbye if there wasn't a formal to-do. It's making me feel a bit more at-ease about my inability to come to terms with my feelings, but it's probably not helping the reality of where I am to sink in.
From touching down on Incheon soil to now, it hasn't really struck me that this will be my home for the next 4.5 months. As with each time I visit Korea, this beginning feels like that which I've experienced many times over of the same old trip back home-- wash off the tin-can-in-the-air grime, work off the surviving remnants of airplane nausea with a taste-of-home meal, and go through a thorough fridge/freezer tour guided by my mom, who follows this with an inundation of phone numbers, credit cards, door codes, etc. for the following day's prospects (though in reality we will be apart for only about eight hours). Today I am getting a head start on homework and actually unpacking (pretty much both firsts in a long time) and trying to nudge myself in the right direction of approach for finding students, but I still feel like I'm on vacation. Probably the defense mechanism employed for realizing that this fear of failure or at least mild disappointment has a good chance of being the reality in the long run. But I am trying to ignore the preconceived notions I carry (some of which are very true) of this country and be open to anything that comes my way. Here is hoping that I can stumble into some wondrous doors. And to hoping that I don't get lazy with the updates.